when God leads you into a wilderness season
find rest for your soul
*this post is all about being in a spiritual wilderness with God.
last year was quite the year. and if i’m honest, the year before that was one too. tired, i was mentally, emotionally, and physically tired. so much had happened. it was too overwhelming to process. i didn’t know how or where to even begin. i couldn’t seem to gain any traction. the previous year had been challenging, and i was expecting to enter a new season—one of refuge, rest, and fulfillment. but the walls kept crashing down. unexpected deaths of loved ones, cancer diagnoses, family turmoil, chronic illnesses, church issues, and the joys of job searching all occurred within the first month of the year.
i felt defeated. i decided that i had endured enough hurt. i needed to protect myself. so the walls went up. the defense around my heart was in place. interacting with people seemed unbearable. reading the Bible became difficult, and engaging in prayer was nearly impossible. i felt like i had nothing left to give. i had been stripped, emptied. so i ran. i ran from people, and i ran from God.
“elijah was afraid and ran for his life. when he came to beersheba in judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. he came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “i have had enough, Lord,” he said. “take my life; i am no better than my ancestors.” 1 kings 19:3-4 niv
elijah had accepted the call of God. and then we find him here, in a state of deep depression. his hopes of things changing were wrecked. his faithfulness and obedience led to suffering. he was heavyhearted. his circumstances were too much to endure; he had had enough. so he secluded himself and asked God to take his life. and God, being so merciful, answered his prayer with a no. instead, he repeatedly gave him rest and the food of angels.
“…let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.” deuteronomy 33:12 niv
this is where i started. i was tired and heavyhearted. every night before bed, i would ask God not to wake me up in the morning. i would plead with him, listing all the reasons i couldn’t do it anymore. and God, being so gracious, answered my prayers with a no. like elijah, my thoughts weren’t accurate, but my feelings were real. i needed solace and rest. i needed to give God my emotions because only he knew exactly how to handle them (1 peter 5:7).
the Lord knows. he knows our heartache, he knows our suffering, and he knows our pain. he knows what happened in the past, and he knows what will happen in the future. he walks ahead of us and leads us through the wilderness (psalm 136:16). elijah found himself in that isolated place as well. it was there that God gave him time to recover. it was there that all of his needs were met. it was there that God cared for him and strengthened him. and this was not a fast process. but when the time came, he was able to get up and go (1 kings 19:7-8).
“the Lord said, “go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. after the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. after the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. and after the fire came a gentle whisper. when elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. then a voice said to him, “what are you doing here, elijah?” 1 kings 19:11-12 niv
this request makes no logical sense, but elijah gets up and travels to horeb, the mountain of God. and it is there, where he encounters the presence of the Lord. God knew that in his state of depression, elijah didn’t need people or things. he needed a private, personal encounter with his Father. but before that could happen, elijah needed to understand where God was not. he showed him he wasn’t in the places where one might think he should be. God wasn’t in the comfort of security, relational satisfaction, or favorable outcomes. but he was in his grief, in his vulnerability. he was in the quietness of his isolation, the darkness of his depression.
elijah quiets himself enough to hear the voice of God. the Lord allowed him to voice the deep waters of his heart. he expressed his hurt, his hopelessness, and his sense of failure. he did so, and it’s clear that his feelings had remained the same, and that was okay. God continued to meet him exactly where he was at. he needed to let it all out, then let it all go. he needed to be in his Father’s presence and remember who his Father was. he needed his hope reignited, and he needed his soul to rest in it. hope for the past, hope for the present, hope for the future, and hope never disappoints (romans 5:5).
“you, Lord, took up my cause; you redeemed my life.” lamentations 3:58 niv
the Lord then gave elijah something to do. he needed to get out of his head and gain a new perspective. he was then able to take action, knowing that God was walking before him; he was directing his every step. he was renewed and reassured. God then blesses him with a friend and lets him know that he has a community (1 kings 19:16-18). although elijah’s feelings were real, his perception was skewed. his work seemed fruitless in his eyes, but it was fruitful. he wasn't alone; elisha and 7,000 other followers of God were with him. he had people who understood him, people who were walking the same path with him.
during this season of severe disappointment, i needed God, and i needed people. i needed the very things i was avoiding. i needed a personal encounter with him. i needed to still my thoughts and listen to his gentle whisper. and he was patiently waiting, waiting for me to share with him all that was on my heart. during these times, we need to go back to the source of our faith, and we need God's life-giving food—the Word. but we also need a community. we were never intended to live in isolation. we were created for community. discouraging times can often make us feel more alone than we are. when we allow God in, He reassures us, and we can gain a new vision and purpose. we can overcome hardships through his grace.
the wilderness is where God, in his lovingkindness, prepares us. moses was prepared in the wilderness. paul was prepared in the wilderness. Jesus, the Son of God, was prepared in the wilderness. it is in the wilderness that God's patience, provision, and strength are shown in our weaknesses.
HELPFUL BOOKS
black liturgies: prayers, poems, and meditations for staying human
bipolar faith: a black woman's journey with depression and faith by monica a. coleman
*this post is all about having a wilderness experience with God.
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